chapter 9

Nov.20.2012

It’s been three long boring days with the same boring routine. I feel so lonely when there are plenty people around me. I feel like I’m losing control of myself. It’s so hard living without them. I used tell my dad that I wanted to go universities outside Kuwait, I regret saying that. I can’t live without them. It kills me inside every time I remember that car crash. Knowing for a fact they were fighting for air. Ugh losing my family is just way too much. Its 4:00 P.M. the girls ga3deen yitmashon except halla, she sat with me bl chalet. My phone started beeping.

“aloo ?” I said.

“hala dalal ana mneera mita9la mn starbucks cuz mobily in6ifa ! agool ta3aly tmashay weyana ” she said.

“mali 5lg plus bara windy” I aswered.

“yallaa shda3wa lbsay 3adl” she said.

“ok” I replied.

“yaay yalla nan6rich mny oo yebay ma3ach sha7an fony” she said.

“ok” I said.

I hung up and went to my room to change. I was kinda looking for a warm hoodie with my red sweatpants. I got some of the redbulls I had in the fridge. I had my hair pulled up in a ponytail.

“halla yalla imshay baroo7 3nd ilbanat starbucks” I yelled while I was walking to the door.

“ok” she said.

I suddenly felt a bit dizzy. Everything seemed a little blurry.

“oof yalla ba5ith coffee ams kilish ma nmt 3adl” I said.

“okaik” she said.

We headed straight to starbucks.

“ha dalal shloonich al7en ?” halla asked.

“a7san” I said. A tear ran down my face.

“haw shfeech?” she asked.

“wallah halla mo m9adga ra7aw lal7een ma staw3abt ilwa’63” I replied.

“dalal haday 7abeebtii gooly ina lilah o ina ilaihi raj3oon oo id3eelihom bl jana tara ma yaboon eshoofonich wntay tabchen oo ba3dain ohma mara7aw mokan e5ar3 ra7aw 3nd rabna ba3ad isma ira7man ira7eeem ya3ny ar7am mny oo mnich …yalla ms7ay dmoo3ich” she said.

“ina lilah w ina ilaihi raj3oon” I replied.

She hugged me and we continued walking. A lot of people were there, I tried to walk between the crowds. I felt so lost between them. Oof I hate laman a7awl adsh bain ilza7ma faj2a a7ad difasha ydz …wain ga3deen. Ilmohim I saw ilbanat ga3deen 3al table. It was kinda cold in here.

“ana baroo7 a6lb” I said.

“ok” the girls replied.

I waited in line…playing with my phone. In a few, my turn came up. I ordered a toffee nut latte.

“yalla imshaw tara bard shway” I suggested.

“ok” mneera replied.

We walked back to the chalet. While I was walking, why my family felt strange …about me going to Hilton..akeed baroo7 ya3ny where would I go ?… to my aunts and uncles  ily ma yoon  ilmonasabat iyoon 7ag wifat.hom w ba3dain I cant be around families. Oo yadity smillah 3alaiha matgdar 3al mas2oolya. I hate it when people think in the wrong way….

“haw dalal shfeech sara7tay ?” fa6oom said.

“la mafeeny shay “ I said.

We continued walking. Dashaina da5l oo I went to sit 3al sofa. My phone beeped. It was m7amad checking on. Suddenly school came up..madry mita badawm.

“dalal wayhich a9far oo jsmich 3ood  walah mozain starving yourself tara mo solution” fa6oom said.

I looked at her …

“fa6oom ilakl mala 6a3am bdoonhum …wla hal dnya malha 6a3am ..i miss them so freakin bad !” I said.

She hugged me hard…..i could feel her warmth. Fa6oom is the kind of person that would change ur day with a simple move she makes.

The doorbell rang…twice. I went and opened the door…… Oh my god.